No. 77 - The Luck of the Late Bloomer

And the pay-what-you-wish Journaling Workshop on May 16th

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The studio I always wanted, and eventually got

HI, my name is Betty-Ann, and I’m a late bloomer.

It has always been so, and who am I to say it should’ve been different? I mean, yes, I guess it would’ve been “better” if I’d started blooming a little earlier. Maybe I’d “be somewhere” by now. But I didn’t, and I’m not. My psychic energy was consumed for years by dysfunctional bullshit that I worried over like a dog with a bone. It took years of hard work but I’ve mostly worked myself free… thank you, thank you.

At some point years ago, a private joke was born between my husband David and I where we’d say “you can’t beat the luck of the late bloomer” in an Irish accent (like you’d say, “you can’t beat the luck of the Irish” if you were in a Lucky Charms commercial).

That’s the voice of an Irish friend of my daughter Chloe’s who kindly obliged me by saying the phrase and laying it on thick. I was hoping for something a little “jauntier”, so Chloe asked him to “do one that’s leprechaun”

😆

Anyhoo.

It wasn’t until I was 62 years old that I felt I could call myself an ARTIST (with a capital A! Maybe even all-caps!) for the first time. That’s because I completed a project called Life’s Work: A Visual Memoir that culminated in an exhibit that I was proud of, which I’ve written about here many times. I’d had art shows before, but not like this one. In fact I feel like that show is all I’ve talked about for two years: Guys! guys! I did this thing! Look! I did a thing! I exist! It was two years ago but it was super worthy, I swear!

Sigh. I’ve also mentioned many times how I was knocked off my happy little artist pedestal before the show was even over by one of those curveballs that life likes to throw, so I won’t bore you with that again.

The thing about that project and show is that it could not have happened any earlier in my life. I could not have produced that stuff when I was young because I needed to live it in order for the story I was telling to exist. Duh. And I needed to live all that time to have the understanding the show required, and the chops to execute it (yes I know, I just used “chops” in reference to myself). So maybe I’m not a late bloomer… maybe I’m just a bloomer.

Another thing that bloomed during the development of Life’s Work: A Visual Memoir was the realization of how important journal writing was to my development… to my LIFE. It made me, it created me, it raised me. Which is to say that I made me, I created myself, through journaling. Through writing shit down in a notebook. Through talking myself through difficult things. Asking myself tough questions, and answering those questions. Observing myself, and other people, and my interactions with people, and over time coming to understand who I am and where my strengths lie and where I maybe need some help. Getting things off my chest, yes, but not leaving it at that. Trying to always make sure I wasn’t lying to myself.

Maybe other people do these things without writing? I have no idea. I needed to do it with writing.

The writing spot

I started to wonder how I might bring journal writing into Feed the Monster, and I also decided I’d like to create a one-off journaling workshop as a precursor to a longer, more involved offering. Maybe even write a book. These too are things that, in my case, have required decades to bloom.

I looked at various journaling workshops online, and I checked out Substack newsletters having to do with journaling. I saw clearly what I didn’t want to do, and I saw what I thought was lacking in these offerings.

What wasn’t so clear (and still isn’t, frankly) was how to weave journaling into the fabric of Feed the Monster without it becoming only about journaling, and conversely without it being too all-over-the-map. I’m still feeling my way on that count. Writing here on Substack has constituted blooming in and of itself. Blooming into the voice that was always there, but didn’t leave my head so much except maybe to friends.

The following is lifted from my About page:

At the moment Feed the Monster is in flux as I work on bringing in more of my journaling and note-taking world. In 2017 I started The Journal Project, where I systematically read through---then tore up---sixty-two of my (then) seventy journals. I had my reasons, which you can read about here. Mid-way through the project I looked at my piles of journals and thought, “oh my God, is this my life’s work?”

It was a bit of a joke, of course… what one pictures when they hear “life’s work” is more likely to be, for example, research into a rare form of cancer. Not a pile of journals.

What can I say? I’m not a doctor. And those torn up journal pages became part of an art exhibit in 2022 called Life’s Work: A Visual Memoir that turned out to be a major turning point for me, both personally and artistically. The project dealt with my mother’s Lewy Body dementia and my difficult relationship with her, but the primacy of journaling in my life also emerged as a force to be reckoned with and duly acknowledged.

DEW DROP INN

I’m still working on it! The working on it will go on until the end of time! The talking about it will also go on until the end of time! Thank you for reading!

SO ABOUT THAT JOURNALING WORKSHOP…

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Taking place this coming Thursday, May 16th at 6:30 pm (Pacific Time).

The workshop will be recorded, but you can hide your face if you want, and even your name.

It’s pay-what-you-wish — $0 - $50 suggested.

More info HERE

Straight to registering HERE

Or if you have any questions, fire away!

SOME STUFF!

• Photographs of Life in Palestine (ca. 1896–1919)

• Design Matters is a great podcast. Debbie Millman does deep research on the people she interviews, and they’re always surprised by it. Here she interviews Sarah Polley, whose book Run Towards the Danger I just read. It’s been a while since I heard the interview, to be honest. But I just read the book and I highly recommend it.

• Robots. Beck. A favourite song. What’s not to like? HELL YES

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Listen to my interview with Sheryl MacKay on CBC’s NxNW here (starts ten minutes in). It’s all about Life’s Work: A Visual Memoir, an art exhibit about my mother’s Lewy Body dementia and my relationship with her

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