No. 62 - Ye Olde Birth Journal

and you must believe in Spring

Mar 31, 2023

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Hi! I’m still in the throes of dealing with some life n’ livelihood issues that have kept me from consistent studio time for months now. The one thing I have managed to keep doing is Feed the Monster, until now! The post I was working on for today is still a mess on the cutting room floor, and in its place I present this “archive dive” from 2018. It’s called Ye Olde Birth Journal, and it goes something like this:

My daughter Chloe was born in 1993. My pregnancy wasn’t planned—I was 33 years old and hadn't thought much about being a parent—but I can state unequivocally that deciding to have that baby is probably the best thing I've ever done. Not that it was easy—HELL NO. But isn't that often the way with things that are worth something? Effort is required my friends.

I’m not implying that everyone should make the same choice. I speak for myself only. When I was sitting in the bathroom of our rental suite on Howe St. and saw the blue strip appear on the home pregnancy test, I made an instantaneous and irrevocable "yes" decision that only I could make. I couldn’t have guessed in advance that I’d feel that way in that moment. But I did and I was very, very sure. Come what may.

Luckily for me, my then-boyfriend now-husband David happened to feel the same way.

In 1998 I was asked by the artist Diana Lynn Thompson to participate in her massive art installation "Conceptions", which I sadly didn’t get to see when it was mounted at The Richmond Art Gallery in 1999. Diana had worked for several years on paintings, quilts, embroidered panels and more, all centered around the world of conception and birth. The centerpiece of the show was 17 tables that each displayed a journal about either having or losing a child.

I contributed one of those journals, and it was mainly comprised of a series of collages. Before I get to those, first a snippet from the written section of my journal:

"Here's another statement that doesn't properly describe a bloody thing: Having a baby changes EVERYTHING. It doesn't only change how you view yourself, your body, your partner, your relationship with your partner, or the world in general. It doesn't only change how you spend each passing moment of your day. It doesn't only change your priorities, your values, your interests and your ideas. It's a molecular change. It's new cells, and new eyeballs. It's a forced trip into the ozone with no prior instruction. It's a huge new capacity for love you didn't know you had. It's an instruction on humanity you didn't know you needed to learn. It's a growing up you didn't know you needed to do. And it's a sometimes very painful learning about yourself that you'll often wish you didn't have to do."

Heavy, dudette.

And now for the collages—they still make me laugh.

When I made these collages on the pages of that 8x10 inch hardcover journal, I didn’t yet have the massive collection of books and vintage magazines that I eventually amassed for collage. Plus my technique was still quite rudimentary. Sometimes those circumstances—being a beginner and having limited resources—result in qualities of freshness that are harder to come by at a later stage. David keeps saying, “They’re so free!” I mostly just find them to be quite hilarious.

AND IN CONCLUSION…

It’s spring! I try to remind myself to take that in whenever I’m out walking. And so often these days, I hear Tony Bennett in my head singing the refrain “you must believe in Spring, and love”.

Thank you Tony. Yes I must.

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