Taking Note No. 8
You are not your thoughts
Welcome to Taking Note, a weekly hand-drawn addition to Feed the Monster where I aim to give you extra food for the monster and inspiration for taking note of your life.
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Timely!
I am Day 2 of a two-week stay at a Zen retreat house connected to my sangha. It's not a total retreat or I wouldn't be online - basically I am living some of my life as normal (working part time, going out in the world, meeting with people) but living communally with other Zen folks and doing two hour-long stints of meditation per day. Some of what I'm doing while I'm here is writing a talk on Zen and creative practice, as well as other Zen study. Basically, even though it isn't an intensive retreat, it is still too much time with my thoughts. My totally unreal, angry at myself for leaving home, thoughts..... And even though I have a lot of training in the illusory nature of thoughts, it's impossible to stop them from coming sometimes. Part of my practice in the last two days has been noticing my discomfort. Not trying to change it or fuel it, but noticing it. Can't say it's shifted anything yet - but it likely will. I've been here before (pretty much every meditation retreat ever) and I'm sure I'll be here again.
Somewhere along the road someone taught me (who was it? feel like maybe a self-help type book maybe??) when I have a thought that arouses fear, anger, anxiety, etc to ask myself "Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?" and that has helped so much. I am getting better at noticing the disruptive thought before it takes me down and I have to wrestle with it. Thanks for your wise words BA. xxx